You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
