Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
