he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
