so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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