This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
