Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
