He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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