i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
