Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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