thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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