The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
