Im at strip club and am horny
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
