What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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