Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
