Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
