my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
