I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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