Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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