just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
