the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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