My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
