cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
