He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
