Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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