Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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