How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize