All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
