So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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