I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
