i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
