Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
