smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize