I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
