I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
