You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
