She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
