oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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