im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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