I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize