Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
