He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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