is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
