Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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