Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
