I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
