I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
