I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
