My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
