Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize