i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
