He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
