just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
