I hate all girls vehemently.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
