I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How does it feel to date your dad?
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