we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
