I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
