I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
