dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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