I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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