just tell him i said nine months
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
