I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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