i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so let's talk penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
