I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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