no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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