"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The Olympian is in my bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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