therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
