The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
