this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got inside last night via doggy door
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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