I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
