she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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