I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
