So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
