She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
