I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
