You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
