the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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