Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
