Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
God, I missed his penis.
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