I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
