Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
