Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
