Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
