If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
