You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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