you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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