He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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