I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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