she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
