You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bring me that man meat
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
