Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
