I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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