New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
