garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
