Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize