She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
