He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize